this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
