you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
