The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
