Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
