I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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