"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
