On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
