She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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