i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
