So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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