I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
