didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
