Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
