I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
