Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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