I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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