I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
