have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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