could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
