Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
