tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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