Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
