it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
