If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
