kristin has been a bad kristin
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
