seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
