Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I faked an abortion last night.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize