We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
