So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
