smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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