I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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