I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
