i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
