Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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