sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
