I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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