I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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