All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
