Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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