i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I believe in your delicious
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
