I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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