eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
