the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
