Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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