Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
