please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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