dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize