FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
