Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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