as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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