the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
