I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
