My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize