and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
