there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
