yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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