yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
