She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
