I just saw a hot homeless man
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
