I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize