hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
