I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
