hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
