Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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