Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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