walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Im just a social blackout drinker.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
