Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
