Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
