you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize