I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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