So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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