Can i not drive my cunt home
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
