party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
