She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I am available for nakedness
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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