...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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