im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
