We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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