I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
did i just pee glitter
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Will exercising make me less horny?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
