I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
