I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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