**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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