Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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