I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
im six kinds of drunk right now
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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