dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
