take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
