They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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