I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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