he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
