dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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