im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
