Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he just fucked me for my cheese..
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
