So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize