im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
