nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
