It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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