I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
